The day I saved a prehistoric turtle by Luke Schnoebelen

So yesterday on my way home I am just minding my own business listening to some Bob MF'in Seger when the I notice the cars in front of me swerving. I realize there must be something in the road and I also realize it might just be something from the house that we are passing with the perpetual Garage Sale. I then notice, clear as day, that there is a large object in the middle of the road. It looks like an old army helmet but that didn't make any sense. I realize as I pass that is a turtle, a very large (soon to find out) snapping turtle. Kind of looks like Gamera. (I only know about Gamera because one of my YouthFriends this year was an expert in Godzilla's nemesis.)


So I pull over and park my car. I make my way over to Gamera and realize I have quite a task on my hands. Gamera is hairy, slimy, Wolverine-like claws, a long tail that is hidden to the human eye in this photo, and apparently Gamera has just pee'd a little.

I decide I'll just out maneuver Gamera, get behind him, grab his shell and set him lightly in the grass. Ha. As I grab Gamera, he rears his head and his 16" extendo Go Go Gadget neck and I quickly realize that isn't going to work. I have to do this quickly because I am standing on the bottom of a hill in the middle of the road. So I use my foot and flip Gamera over, he doesn't like this very much but I think its what it would look like if a turtle could breakdance. I then slide Gamera upside-down with my foot and off into the grass. Hooray! Gamera lives another day.